Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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