I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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