that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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