doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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