I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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