remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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