She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize