Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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