I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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