I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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