your parents love me but you hate me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize