Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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