Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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