You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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