I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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