At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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