did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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