It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i out mim tonsoeep
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