they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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