I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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