Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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