Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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