I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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