Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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