you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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