I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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