i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
tell me about the eggs
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