just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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