it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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