The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm really busy with my period
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