my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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