All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize