i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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