Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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