pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize