You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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