If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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