Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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