Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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