I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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