All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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