this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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