remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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