There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize