I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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