I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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