You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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