No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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