so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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