Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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