Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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