I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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